What can I say about this past year? What words could I use to contain its breadth? When I think about this past year, I feel a rush of images in my mind, both positive and negative. None of them are forgettable. Our running motto has been "It could always get worse!"
I started off 2015 heavily pregnant. We didn't know the sex of our baby, and were delighted when our Arthur made his appearance in February. As the delight and newness began to sink in, however, something more painful took hold.
Within 2 weeks after Arthur's birth, I was so anxious that I was shoulder-checking in our own house. I was crying constantly because of anxiety, worry, and intrusive thoughts. I had post-partum depression and anxiety. I had been so terrified of this scenario, and I had thought that succeeding in establishing breastfeeding would have prevented it from happening. Not so. A month or so later, my referral went through and I saw a psychiatrist for the first time in 8 years. I was officially diagnosed and began medication and counselling. It was not until Arthur was about 6 months old that I finally started to feel like I was bonding with him and began to feel more like myself for the first time in ages. I have since wrapped up counselling and am still on medication for the moment.
I've had to learn the art of self-care and taking time to focus on myself. It's not selfish. In fact, it's the opposite; by making sure that I take the time to care for myself, I am ensuring that I can have the mental and emotional resources to care for my boys. I learned to accept my past and to face memories that I had buried away. I learned that it's okay to be angry; there are some things that are wrong. I learned that it's okay to say that I'm not okay, and that admitting that I'm not okay is the first step to making things better.
During the time around my first psychiatrist appointment, the source of my joint pain was finally diagnosed as joint hypermobility syndrome. I started physiotherapy and began to see my daily pain level reduce to next to nothing. I had my very first pain-free day in 6 years. I feel amazing, and have been losing weight thanks to the more active lifestyle I'm now able to have.
Another change that helped us to have a more active lifestyle is our move to Didsbury. In July, we bought our very first house. It is a 3-bedroom townhouse with a full unfinished basement. It's not perfect, but it got us into the housing market and out of renting. Didsbury's only "fast food" restaurant is a single Tim Hortons. There's no late-night food options other than cooking at home. Everything is within walking distance of our house. There's a 5km trail loop only an 8-minute walk from our house. The air out here is noticeably more clear, and there's a simple kind of beauty in farmland.
That being said, it hasn't all been rosy in our new house. There's been some annoyances along the way. We had our dryer break down the very first cycle we tried to dry! We had a mouse. Twice. Our minivan stopped working briefly, but it was an easy fix. Cy broke his finger. Our fridge recently stopped working and we're waiting on a replacement part to arrive. Small things, really, in the grand scheme of things.
I picked up quilting. It's been a steep learning curve, but I really enjoy it in my little bit of free time that I do have.
In August, Edgar started daycare here in Didsbury. He's loving it and I get a chance to take care of housework and coursework during the 2 days that he's having an absolute blast at daycare.
Thanksgiving was spent back in Vancouver. The trip was a perfect balance of seeing family and making sure to rest in-between. We drove. Yes, we did a 13-hour road trip with 2 boys under 2 years old. It actually wasn't too bad of a drive, and the boys slept a decent amount of the time because we left extremely early in the morning. I loved seeing friends and family again, and I feel like it helped to ground me in preparation for the next couple of months ahead.
In November, I started the first course in SAIT's Library Information Technology diploma program. The course wraps up in February, and so far I am acing it. Literally. I have only lost a little over 2% total from my final mark and only have my final exam and final assignment to go. It seems that I have finally found my career calling, and I'm loving the outlook for the future it's given me. I started off in the part-time program, and in Fall 2016 I will be switching to the full-time program to which I was recently accepted.
This year also had a couple health scares for the boys. Edgar had his very first allergic reaction to peanuts in June. After allergy testing, it was determined that his next reaction from ingesting peanuts would likely be anaphylactic. He now carries an epipen everywhere he goes. We are now a peanut-free household. Arthur had a 10-minute long febrile seizure in November. The initial fever was caused by a childhood illness called roseola and he recovered just fine after a short stay at Alberta Children's Hospital. While his EEG was normal, we do have to keep a close eye on him any time that he develops a fever from now on. Because he was so young and he seized for so long, the probability of him having another febrile seizure before he turns 5 years old is 40% or higher if he has a fever spike. Thankfully, febrile seizures do not do damage to the developing brain, and even one of the amazing doctors that treated him at ACH had them as a child!
The Fall months were spent with all of us in varying degrees of illness. Whether it was ear infections, strep throat, colds, or random stomach bugs... we got all of it. Kids are such germ factories! We were all sick and miserable at points, but thank goodness that it all was fleeting.
Christmas this year was a quiet affair for us. Kait, Chris, and Anders had gone back to Vancouver for Christmas, so it was just us in town. The boys received presents from family and a few small ones from us. I made them sort of matching quilts. We didn't go anywhere, and had a quiet day at home with just the boys and us.
Our motto this year, whenever things were going wrong, was "It could always get worse!" Yes, yes it can. Things can always get better, and that's okay. Things can also always get worse. We aren't super well-off, and we don't live like kings, but we have a house and our boys and each other. That's more than a lot of people have. We have friends and family who have supported and encouraged us in the difficult times this past year. We now own a house and are slowly paying down debt. We have two beautiful boys. Marriage takes work, but at the end of the day I am married to my best friend. We still laugh about stupid things together.
What does 2016 have in store for us? Well, there are lots of things to look forward to:
- Finishing my first course at the end of January and starting my next couple of courses in March
- Another Vancouver trip at the beginning of February
- Arthur's first birthday
- Our 4th wedding anniversary
- Two weddings
- Friends expecting new little ones
- Starting full-time courses in Fall
- Edgar turning three in November
- Potty training Edgar at some point
- Arthur starting to learn to talk this year
2015 has left me refreshed, renewed, and ready to take on the world.
Bring it on, 2016.
