I'll be honest.
I had originally planned to type up a wonderful blog post about my new love
affair with cloth diapering, but when I woke up this morning I just couldn't do
it.
I couldn't bring myself to do it today.
That's it. I'm fed up with all the expectations and weight placed on new
mothers today. My baby is happy and healthy, what more do you want?
Dr. Sears.
I have a bone to pick with Dr. Sears. Yes, he has some good points. And yes,
I started off fairly attachment-parenting orientated. However, when I started
exclusively pumping I began to see the guilt-inducing tone in so many of his articles.
It starts off like this:
"You should do whatever works best for your baby..."
And by the end, more often than not, it turns into some smarmy version of:
"... but if you don't do this, this, and this, you'll screw up your
child for life."
I don't need that kind of guilt and negativity. No parent does. Sure, I want what is best for my child just as
much as the next mom, but I need my own sanity as well. I bottle-feed because I
must. I am in the process of sleep-training because it has become necessary.
So what am I trying to say?
The main reason I just had to get this out into the universe today is
because of me hitting my breaking point the other night. Edgar is six months
old now. Since his 4-month sleep regression, his sleep pattern had been getting
progressively worse and worse. I tried everything.
I tried being gentle. I tried no-cry and pick-up-put-down methods. I tried
just going with it and feeding him whenever he woke up. You know what? It just
made things worse. Sure, it might work for some moms and babies, but it didn't
work for me and Edgar. Finally, the other night, he woke up five times in the
night.
I know that it's a good thing to want to comfort your child and do
everything for them, but there's something to be said about mama's sanity.
After researching into the Ferber method, DH and I decided that this would
be the method that would most likely work out best for all of us should more
gentle methods fail us. And fail us they did.
There is one major misconception about the Ferber method. Many believe that
it means simply placing the baby awake in the crib and just leaving them there.
In actuality, it's a "progressive waiting" approach. I do all the
same things I would normally do with Edgar at bedtime (bath, book, and bottle)
and then when he is drowsy but not asleep I place him in his bed. After
specified intervals (on first night it's 3, 5, and then 10 minutes), I can go
in and quietly reassure him, rub his tummy and/or head, put his pacifier back
in, and then leave. This continues until baby falls asleep.
I did make a small venture into this method a month ago, but Edgar was
clearly not ready to be sleep-trained at that point. He was exceedingly clingy
the next day and I just didn’t feel that he was quite ready to enter into sleep
training. Last night, however, he fell asleep within the first 10-minute
interval and only woke twice early on in the night, both before I was even about
to head to bed. Each of those times, he fell asleep a little more quickly than
the previous. Edgar then slept through the night until 6:50AM. When he woke up
this morning, he was more rested than I had seen him in months, drank a
normal-sized bottle, and went right into playing as though nothing different
had happened.
Despite this apparent initial success, I still felt unsure about “Ferberizing”
because of the stigma it carries... until I came across this
piece of writing that poked holes in Dr. Sears' reasons to not use CIO
("Cry It Out"). It was an eye opener. There were many more sources (like
this and this) scattered across the interwebs. All of this was reassuring me
that we were making the right decision for Edgar. It might not be right for
every baby or parent, but it works for us.
When it comes down to it, there's really no discernable difference in the
long term if parents use the Ferber method, as long as their children aren't
actually being neglected. Sure, it's difficult to hear my baby cry, but I know
that he is fed, dry, and ready (and needing) to sleep and to learn how to fall
asleep on his own.
I'd rather have both of us rested and sane after a short period of crying,
than exhausted and being short with my son as I try to soothe his cries all
night long.
Some mothers can handle the exhaustion and still be happy and cheerful in
the morning when their baby gets up every few hours every single night for
years on end. Bless you. Good on you. If they bottled a magic potion that
allowed everyone to do that, I'm sure that the pharmaceutical companies would
be all over it, and that it'd be popular with the partying crowd. Hell, I’d buy
a bottle of it.
Until then, Dr. Sears can go suck on a lemon.
Unless he likes lemons. Then he can go suck on something else.
Cold Turkey (First 2 Days) and Sleepytime Spray
Apr 17, 2014
I will never regret my decision to pump for Edgar. Though it was tough to keep going and I seriously doubted that I'd make it to my goal of six months, I finally made it far enough to feel ready to launch the beginning of the end. At 5 months post-partum, I dropped down to four pumps a day. This soon fell to three, followed shortly by two. I just couldn't justify continuing; it felt like a weight constantly dragging me down. Pumping hadn't felt like much of a burden until I started dropping pumps. Without pumping as often, I had more time to spend with Edgar. I didn't have to rush rocking him to sleep so that I could pump. I had tasted life without pumping, and I wanted more.
This last week, I made the decision to stop pumping. I purchased a pack of Sudafed, a cabbage, and peppermint tea... and then stopped pumping. I packed up my electric double pump and put it away.
That's right, I'm doing weaning cold turkey
Weaning cold turkey carries the risk of mastitis and other unfriendly things, so I knew I had to go about this carefully. Or rather, as carefully as cold turkey can be. I read up as much as I could about weaning this way, and set to work.
Day 1
Physically
One word: OUCH. I took Sudafed shortly before bedtime the night before, and only pumped with my manual pump to relieve pressure. I ended up with a total of 5oz between the girls, and that was only relieving minimal pressure. I still felt super full and in a lot of pain for most of the day. Holding Edgar was pretty painful. I was sweating a lot; I'm not sure if that is from the hormone changes.
Mentally/Emotionally
Though I felt confident in my decision, this day was the most emotionally difficult. I fed Edgar his last bottle of freshly pumped milk that I had pumped the day before, and I teared up a little. It felt so hard to believe that I had made it so far and had stored up so much frozen breastmilk for Edgar. Throughout the day, Edgar was super cuddly and it almost seemed like he knew what was going on. I don't know if he really did, but it made my day easier. I feel so blessed to be raising such an empathetic little being, and honoured to have put forth the work to pump for him for so long.
Day 2
Physically
This day was easier than the first physically. I had much more energy than when I was pumping, and didn't feel like I had to pump as often for the pressure. When I did pump, it only took about 3oz to relieve the pressure, followed by about 2oz. I weighed myself and had already lost 4lbs since starting weaning! Maybe water weight? I'm not sure, but I had been sweating and peeing a lot more than usual. My appetite also dropped dramatically.
Mentally/Emotionally
This day was emotionally easier than the first as well. I was able to be more productive thanks to the increase in energy, and didn't feel nearly as weepy as the first day. Edgar was still more cuddly than usual, and I felt more confident in my choice to stop pumping. I feel so much more at ease and relaxed at home caring for Edgar without the constant weight on my shoulders to pump. It almost feels like I've come out of a fog and have clarity for the first time in months!
We'll see how everything goes from here on out. So far, I really feel like I made the right decision for Edgar and myself by weaning at this point. Here's hoping that feeling sticks!
Sleepy Time Calming Mist
Edgar has been having a hard time settling down for bedtime recently. While grocery shopping in Superstore, K and I passed through the natural foods aisle and came upon this wonderful spray:
I started applying it to Edgar's legs before massaging with lotion during his pre-bedtime diaper change. So far, it seems to help him calm down and get settled for bedtime. I don't know if it's only the massaging that is helping, but I really like the scent. If anything, it's calming for me!
This last week, I made the decision to stop pumping. I purchased a pack of Sudafed, a cabbage, and peppermint tea... and then stopped pumping. I packed up my electric double pump and put it away.
 |
| Goodbye for now, my good friend. |
That's right, I'm doing weaning cold turkey
Weaning cold turkey carries the risk of mastitis and other unfriendly things, so I knew I had to go about this carefully. Or rather, as carefully as cold turkey can be. I read up as much as I could about weaning this way, and set to work.
Day 1
Physically
One word: OUCH. I took Sudafed shortly before bedtime the night before, and only pumped with my manual pump to relieve pressure. I ended up with a total of 5oz between the girls, and that was only relieving minimal pressure. I still felt super full and in a lot of pain for most of the day. Holding Edgar was pretty painful. I was sweating a lot; I'm not sure if that is from the hormone changes.
Mentally/Emotionally
Though I felt confident in my decision, this day was the most emotionally difficult. I fed Edgar his last bottle of freshly pumped milk that I had pumped the day before, and I teared up a little. It felt so hard to believe that I had made it so far and had stored up so much frozen breastmilk for Edgar. Throughout the day, Edgar was super cuddly and it almost seemed like he knew what was going on. I don't know if he really did, but it made my day easier. I feel so blessed to be raising such an empathetic little being, and honoured to have put forth the work to pump for him for so long.
Day 2
Physically
This day was easier than the first physically. I had much more energy than when I was pumping, and didn't feel like I had to pump as often for the pressure. When I did pump, it only took about 3oz to relieve the pressure, followed by about 2oz. I weighed myself and had already lost 4lbs since starting weaning! Maybe water weight? I'm not sure, but I had been sweating and peeing a lot more than usual. My appetite also dropped dramatically.
Mentally/Emotionally
This day was emotionally easier than the first as well. I was able to be more productive thanks to the increase in energy, and didn't feel nearly as weepy as the first day. Edgar was still more cuddly than usual, and I felt more confident in my choice to stop pumping. I feel so much more at ease and relaxed at home caring for Edgar without the constant weight on my shoulders to pump. It almost feels like I've come out of a fog and have clarity for the first time in months!
We'll see how everything goes from here on out. So far, I really feel like I made the right decision for Edgar and myself by weaning at this point. Here's hoping that feeling sticks!
Sleepy Time Calming Mist
Edgar has been having a hard time settling down for bedtime recently. While grocery shopping in Superstore, K and I passed through the natural foods aisle and came upon this wonderful spray:
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| Ingredients |
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| Instructions |
Edgar Facts I Ponder on a Daily Basis
Apr 12, 2014
I know that Edgar has really hijacked my blog for the past few months, but how could he not? He is the single most important person in my life right now, and taking care of him is my endless job day in and day out. I didn't realize until K and C arrived just how much I had lost my centre because of the intensity that taking care of a baby is without a backup helper. I didn't know what it was like to step out of the house without Edgar because I just couldn't. I honestly envy those who have their parents nearby to help out or to babysit; they are all so very fortunate and I hope that they are aware of that fact.
I also didn't realize just how close I was skirting the line of PPD. I think that being in the same apartment day in and day out with only Edgar as company all day long and limited outings didn't do much for my mental health. K is on top of making sure that we get out at least every few days. We're even going to the pool (almost) every Sunday!
Edgar has been teething for three and a half months.
The doctor didn't believe me when I told her he was teething at his two-month checkup. He's been working on the same tooth since then. He's a drool fountain and a Mr. Grumpy-Pants when the teething gets really bad. He'll gnaw on anything and everything near his face with the ferocity of a tiger working on its latest kill. His nose even wrinkles up.
Edgar is huge.
Edgar has been in the upper 97+ percentiles since he was born, so that's not new. We've been on size 4 diapers for the last few weeks to accomodate his thunder thighs. To put this into some perspective; Edgar's 3-year-old cousin wears size 4 diapers. He has outgrown his baby bucket carseat as well as a plethora of some of my favourite clothes that I dressed him in on a regular basis. I'm not really allowed to fall in love with any outfits of his, I guess. I do worry sometimes, but I've been assured by everyone that he'll thin out once he starts walking. I still worry.
Edgar loves solid food and hasn't really disliked anything other than avocado.
Avocado was a massive failure. He gagged and spat out every single bite, and then the diaper afterward was horrific. I swear it was the worst diaper I had every seen. No more avocado. Solids have been super easy otherwise. He also took to formula like it was regular breastmilk. I was pretty concerned that he'd reject it, but he was happy as a clam!
Edgar hasn't really been sick yet.
At almost six months old now, Edgar has yet to have a cold. He's had a touch of one when both DH and I were sick, but other than that he hasn't been sick. Are we super careful with germs and such? Nope! I don't usually wash my hands after coming back from the grocery store unless I'm about to prep a bottle for him, we don't sterilize anything of his unless I'm in the mood to do it (which is like once a month maybe), I've taken him on public transit about a dozen times and don't hesistate to take him out of the house, if his pacifier drops on the floor at home it goes right back into his mouth unless there's a hair or something on it and then it gets rinsed with plain tap water, and he's allowed to chew on anything he wants (within reason, of course). Maybe that has something to do with it? He's had plenty of chances and exposure to get sick, but he just hasn't!
I'm pretty biased about that fact, actually. See, I'm the firstborn. From what I've seen and what I've heard, the first baby is subjected to far less exposure to germs than subsequent babies. I have a fairly crappy immune system, have asthma, and had eczema fairly often as a child. I don't want that for Edgar, so I'm not going to shelter him from all the germs out there. I can understand why parents want to protect their babies, but they'll never develop an immune system if everything that goes into their mouth is sterilized.
Okay. Ranty-rant is done.
Edgar can be so intense.
Edgar loves to just absorb everything before making a decision on whether he likes something or not. He doesn't seem to cry at sensory input until he's had a while to judge whether or not he dislikes it. When we took him to the pool the first time, he didn't cry. He didn't become happy, either. He just absorbed everything. He took it all in. The next time, he was familiar with the scenario and seemed to like the pool. He even kicked and splashed around a bit. Edgar does the same thing with new foods and toys. It's amazing sometimes to just see his concentration and know that the gears in his head are just turning and he's wrapping his mind around new sensory input.
I also didn't realize just how close I was skirting the line of PPD. I think that being in the same apartment day in and day out with only Edgar as company all day long and limited outings didn't do much for my mental health. K is on top of making sure that we get out at least every few days. We're even going to the pool (almost) every Sunday!
Here are some thoughts about Edgar that I ponder on a daily basis:
Edgar has been teething for three and a half months.
The doctor didn't believe me when I told her he was teething at his two-month checkup. He's been working on the same tooth since then. He's a drool fountain and a Mr. Grumpy-Pants when the teething gets really bad. He'll gnaw on anything and everything near his face with the ferocity of a tiger working on its latest kill. His nose even wrinkles up.
Edgar is huge.
Edgar has been in the upper 97+ percentiles since he was born, so that's not new. We've been on size 4 diapers for the last few weeks to accomodate his thunder thighs. To put this into some perspective; Edgar's 3-year-old cousin wears size 4 diapers. He has outgrown his baby bucket carseat as well as a plethora of some of my favourite clothes that I dressed him in on a regular basis. I'm not really allowed to fall in love with any outfits of his, I guess. I do worry sometimes, but I've been assured by everyone that he'll thin out once he starts walking. I still worry.
 |
| Two hours after he was born at 10lbs 11oz |
 |
| 1 month old, weighing around 12-13lbs. |
 |
| Just a few days ago. A month ago (4 months), he weighed in at 18lbs 5oz. |
Edgar loves solid food and hasn't really disliked anything other than avocado.
Avocado was a massive failure. He gagged and spat out every single bite, and then the diaper afterward was horrific. I swear it was the worst diaper I had every seen. No more avocado. Solids have been super easy otherwise. He also took to formula like it was regular breastmilk. I was pretty concerned that he'd reject it, but he was happy as a clam!
At almost six months old now, Edgar has yet to have a cold. He's had a touch of one when both DH and I were sick, but other than that he hasn't been sick. Are we super careful with germs and such? Nope! I don't usually wash my hands after coming back from the grocery store unless I'm about to prep a bottle for him, we don't sterilize anything of his unless I'm in the mood to do it (which is like once a month maybe), I've taken him on public transit about a dozen times and don't hesistate to take him out of the house, if his pacifier drops on the floor at home it goes right back into his mouth unless there's a hair or something on it and then it gets rinsed with plain tap water, and he's allowed to chew on anything he wants (within reason, of course). Maybe that has something to do with it? He's had plenty of chances and exposure to get sick, but he just hasn't!
I'm pretty biased about that fact, actually. See, I'm the firstborn. From what I've seen and what I've heard, the first baby is subjected to far less exposure to germs than subsequent babies. I have a fairly crappy immune system, have asthma, and had eczema fairly often as a child. I don't want that for Edgar, so I'm not going to shelter him from all the germs out there. I can understand why parents want to protect their babies, but they'll never develop an immune system if everything that goes into their mouth is sterilized.
Okay. Ranty-rant is done.
Edgar can be so intense.
Edgar loves to just absorb everything before making a decision on whether he likes something or not. He doesn't seem to cry at sensory input until he's had a while to judge whether or not he dislikes it. When we took him to the pool the first time, he didn't cry. He didn't become happy, either. He just absorbed everything. He took it all in. The next time, he was familiar with the scenario and seemed to like the pool. He even kicked and splashed around a bit. Edgar does the same thing with new foods and toys. It's amazing sometimes to just see his concentration and know that the gears in his head are just turning and he's wrapping his mind around new sensory input.
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| Hmm... |
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| ... I dunno about these, Mommy... |
I love my Edgar more than life itself.
I honestly cannot imagine life without Edgar around. I wonder sometimes how we could have lived without him in our lives; the joy that he brings to my life is just so complete that I can't imagine how he couldn't have existed before now. How could I have never known how much love I could receive from or give to another person every single day of my life?
I'll never know, and I'll never question why. All I know is that Edgar is my baby; I worry about him, I care for him every day, I can't imagine my life without him, and I love him so dearly that it blows my mind.
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